I was sitting on our bed at home, slouching really. It was a (normally) much loved Thursday off, and I could not talk myself into getting out of bed.

My depression tends to manifest in flat emotions, not sadness, though sadness is definitely often there too, pushing, pulling and piling on until I am underneath the weight of it all, feeling as though I am struggling to breathe. Overwhelming sadness is as good at getting me to the depths of depression as flat emotions are, but this time it was the flatness.

I texted Russ.

"this is not good"

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We had been talking over the past two weeks about how bad my depression had gotten. I had been to the doctor again, and Russ and the doctor and I had a plan that if I got too despondent Russ would take me to the ER.

He asked if he should come home and get me.

"no i guess no"

"what do I do" I texted later.

Keep in mind (as you may know), I text with plenty of exclamation marks, at least one cute picture a text and as close as I can get to perfect grammar, capitalization and punctuation. At the time, I did not have the energy for all of that.

Russ said he was on his way home, and we would figure it out.


Post from one year ago today...

September 3, 2016



Next month is a happier topic. I will post all of the pictures you send.

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