Next in my medical journey this past summer was a uterine ultrasound in which masses suspected to be fibroids were found.
My next stop was a visit to a gynecologist for biopsies to confirm the diagnosis as directed by the physician assistant who had been leading my care, Karen. Karen is the hero of this story, by the way.
Not every real life story needs a hero and a villain of course.
And villain is hyperbole. I am grateful to this gynecologist and her team for getting me to the next step. Without biopsies, a hysterectomy (spoiler - that came next) would not have been authorized.
But I am including this chapter of the story because it informs the rest. And honestly, it - in hindsight and since I did not in fact die - is one of the more interesting parts. So I will just tell it like it happened. And with sincere gratitude to this doctor who got me to the next step.
Russ and I arrived at the doctor office for my biopsies. I needed my walker all the time at this point and also was leaning heavily on Russ. I was having trouble staying awake, even for the duration of an appointment. I had fallen asleep during the short stay in the waiting room. When I was awake, my brain was foggy. It took me YEARS (several minutes) to get down the long hallway to the exam room. I met the team and doctor.
I asked what the pain management plan for my biopsies was. She said I should have taken ibuprofen as directed. I said I had and wanted to know the plan from there. She said she understood I was scared and it would only take a few minutes. I said I was not scared, but if I were about to remove parts of a dog’s body, I sure as anything would have a pain management plan.
She said she did not have anything available. I said we are at The Women’s Hospital and you absolutely do. I added that I also would not surgically remove parts of a dog without appropriate analgesics in the building.
We were off to a roaring start! I think we felt the same way about each other!
I asked if my illness and fatigue could all be secondary to fibroids. “No, absolutely not” she said.
“What do you think it could be then?” She said she only knew about the uterus. I am almost positive there is not a person on earth who only knows One Subject. And technically, this WAS a uterus question. So I pressed. I asked again if the root of my issues could be fibroids. “No,” she said.
“What then?”
Clearly exasperated that my appointment was taking longer than a biopsy should, she rolled her eyes and said, “I don’t know! Cancer?!”
And we moved on.
The biopsy went great and did not hurt. She was very skilled.
After the visit, as we were getting into the car, I became absolutely livid, which is not a super familiar emotion to me.
It actually felt good, I felt charged after feeling flat for so many weeks. But still! What if I were scared? What if it were one of my first experiences with gynecology? What if I did have a painful condition or the biopsy had hurt? What about all the women before and since who needed a comforting voice and did not have someone like Russ right there holding their hand?
I received the good news soon afterwards that fibroids were confirmed. The doctor said she would not do surgery because it would not help and reminded me this was something much worse - fibroids alone would not make me feel this terrible. I had not forgotten. Cancer was not a word you forget.
To be clear, if cancer or any unfavorable differential is a possibility, it should absolutely be discussed. Just…NOT in exasperation and absolutely not with an eye roll.
It took intervention on the part of several people to get surgery scheduled in a timely manner.
Next week - back to heroes - back to hope.
